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Dreams
Jun. 28th, 2009 | 11:15 am
music: The sounds of my house
Most people who know me know that I seldom have dreams that I remember. It seems the only way I remember dreams is when I get an unusually large amount of sleep, like after not sleeping for 24hrs and then sleeping for 12-14 hours that night. Last night I think I slept 9 hours or so but for some reason, I actually remember quite a few dreams snippets and I thought I'd post them here so I won't forget! ^^
Dream 1: My family and I were in Japan for some reason and I went off to visit some friend who was rather far away, like hours and hours away (I don't know why I know that, but it was distinctly distant). On the way back home, I was waiting to cross a street and the pedestrian light turned on. I started to cross and made it about half way across when the light changed back to red, 'don't cross.' So I ran back to the side I was originally on to wait again. I watched and the pedestrian light went green again but then almost immediately flashed back to red. I remember thinking this was odd and then next thing I know I hear police sirens. They were coming down the street towards the light I was at and I remember trying to move farther away from the edge of the street. Then there are these two men, who are the ones running from the cops, on my side of the road and I remember thinking surprisingly calmly 'dammit, I'm gonna end up a hostage aren't I?' Aaaand sure enough, next thing I know there's one of them on each side of me and a gun to my back. And then there's this female police officer/inspector in front of me who says 'well, at least you've been captured by hot twins' (wth brain? XD)
Then the dream just jumps to the next scene where we're all in a van (me, the police officer, and the twins, and whoever is driving). I remember me and the officer trying to figure out a way to escape. Then the dream skips to she and I tromping through the woods, apparently having gotten away from the 'bad guys.' I remember she commented something about food/drink and I had some in my bag, so we stopped for a minute. And then the dream jumped again and I was at home (which was an apartment of some sort) with mom, dad, Yaya, and I think Aunt Barbie. Apparently they'd hired a private investigator or something for like $50 a day and he/she (I have the distinct feeling it was a 'she' but not the police officer I was with earlier in the dream) had found me within like 24 hours. I think I woke up right about here and thought 'hey I just had a dream!' and tried to review bits of it in my head so I'd remember later. Then I went back to sleep XD
Dream 2: I feel as though this dream was a 'after graduation' dream. But for some reason, we were in this huge hotel/performance hall combination of a building. I remember I was trying to find my parents' room, so I was wandering through all these different halls. Oddly enough, all the room doors were open, so I could see inside. I remember I passed by lots of tables full of food for like a banquet/dinner that I'm guessing was in celebration of us graduating. In hindsight, it's rather odd that the food was Christmas themed but it was for graduation! I remember seeing lots of turkeys and cookies/sweets on the tables I passed (which were in the hallways with the rooms for some reason!) I think the food was being prepared and put there to be rolled over to the banquet/performance hall. Also, thinking back on it now, I have this vague feeling that it was the people (guests?) in the rooms that were making this food and placing it on the table(s) in their hallway. Odd.... Well, anyways, I remember contemplating taking a cookie but then thinking someone would notice/get angry at me, so I didn't, and kept going. I hit like... a U-turn or something and as I turned I saw that the double bed in that last room had the same comforter as me and exclaimed 'hey! they have my comforter!' XD Then I wandered to the hall were most of the food was and I remember chatting with a friend near the door. Then my mom/some family member (Yaya?) called me on the cell asking about where I was (?) and they were gonna come down there. And then this guy who was like monitoring the door or something started talking to me and he asked me if I had a spare '____ port' he could have. It was a computer part and now I can't remember what type of port he'd said. For some reason I feel like it was internet or P2P related...which doesn't make toooo much sense, but hey, it was a dream. I remember thinking I didn't really like/trust him or something and saying that I didn't think I had a spare one and that we were leaving that evening so I didn't have time to open up my laptop and check. And then he said something like I could leave the laptop with him and he could check and then ship it back to me for like $45-50 and I remember finding that idea very sketch and in my head going 'that's a definite no.' At this point, I think I woke up again because that's the last thing I remember happening.
Snippet-Dreams 3 & 4: I don't remember where I was going/what I was looking for, but this dream started with me wandering down a road. I wandered for a bit and then I think Yaya pulled over and picked me up. She was out running an errand or something and saw me. I think we talked a little and then this dream morphed into a slight different one. I was still in the passenger seat of a car but for some reason I have the distinct feeling I was no longer Alicia, I was now Jaejoong from DBSK o.O The reason I think this is because we saw Yunho, Junsu, and one other DBSK member (I'm not sure who... I think maybe Yoochun? Whichever one wasn't driving), so we stopped the car and I said 'Yunho-yah', which is Yunho's name plus a Korean familiar ending. And then that dream ended/I woke up, I don't remember which.
So yeah, that was fun XD I rather wish I remembered my dreams more often. Like, even in the first dream where I was held hostage, I don't remember feeling any real sense of panic. I remember thinking something along the line of 'aww man, I don't wanna be a hostage! I'm totally gonna be held hostage by them *pouts*' It was more of a bemused I know-it's-gonna-happen sort of acceptance. And in the dreams where I was wandering looking for family/whatever, I wasn't worried about it. I just wandered figuring I'd find them/whatever it was. I told my mom about the dreams and she thinks there interesting. She said that since all of them had wandering/being lost in them, it may be reflective of me not knowing what to do right now. She also thought it was interesting that all the doors to the rooms in the hotel/performance hall were open; sort of the idea that there's opportunity and so on. I too had thought that they pretty much all involved me wandering and that may be because I am doing that now, in a sense. She also thought it was interesting that one of them took place in Japan, which is where I want to be.
Oh well. I'm just glad I typed it all up before I forget. Hopefully I'll have more dreams I can remember more often! ^^
~ Alicia
Dream 1: My family and I were in Japan for some reason and I went off to visit some friend who was rather far away, like hours and hours away (I don't know why I know that, but it was distinctly distant). On the way back home, I was waiting to cross a street and the pedestrian light turned on. I started to cross and made it about half way across when the light changed back to red, 'don't cross.' So I ran back to the side I was originally on to wait again. I watched and the pedestrian light went green again but then almost immediately flashed back to red. I remember thinking this was odd and then next thing I know I hear police sirens. They were coming down the street towards the light I was at and I remember trying to move farther away from the edge of the street. Then there are these two men, who are the ones running from the cops, on my side of the road and I remember thinking surprisingly calmly 'dammit, I'm gonna end up a hostage aren't I?' Aaaand sure enough, next thing I know there's one of them on each side of me and a gun to my back. And then there's this female police officer/inspector in front of me who says 'well, at least you've been captured by hot twins' (wth brain? XD)
Then the dream just jumps to the next scene where we're all in a van (me, the police officer, and the twins, and whoever is driving). I remember me and the officer trying to figure out a way to escape. Then the dream skips to she and I tromping through the woods, apparently having gotten away from the 'bad guys.' I remember she commented something about food/drink and I had some in my bag, so we stopped for a minute. And then the dream jumped again and I was at home (which was an apartment of some sort) with mom, dad, Yaya, and I think Aunt Barbie. Apparently they'd hired a private investigator or something for like $50 a day and he/she (I have the distinct feeling it was a 'she' but not the police officer I was with earlier in the dream) had found me within like 24 hours. I think I woke up right about here and thought 'hey I just had a dream!' and tried to review bits of it in my head so I'd remember later. Then I went back to sleep XD
Dream 2: I feel as though this dream was a 'after graduation' dream. But for some reason, we were in this huge hotel/performance hall combination of a building. I remember I was trying to find my parents' room, so I was wandering through all these different halls. Oddly enough, all the room doors were open, so I could see inside. I remember I passed by lots of tables full of food for like a banquet/dinner that I'm guessing was in celebration of us graduating. In hindsight, it's rather odd that the food was Christmas themed but it was for graduation! I remember seeing lots of turkeys and cookies/sweets on the tables I passed (which were in the hallways with the rooms for some reason!) I think the food was being prepared and put there to be rolled over to the banquet/performance hall. Also, thinking back on it now, I have this vague feeling that it was the people (guests?) in the rooms that were making this food and placing it on the table(s) in their hallway. Odd.... Well, anyways, I remember contemplating taking a cookie but then thinking someone would notice/get angry at me, so I didn't, and kept going. I hit like... a U-turn or something and as I turned I saw that the double bed in that last room had the same comforter as me and exclaimed 'hey! they have my comforter!' XD Then I wandered to the hall were most of the food was and I remember chatting with a friend near the door. Then my mom/some family member (Yaya?) called me on the cell asking about where I was (?) and they were gonna come down there. And then this guy who was like monitoring the door or something started talking to me and he asked me if I had a spare '____ port' he could have. It was a computer part and now I can't remember what type of port he'd said. For some reason I feel like it was internet or P2P related...which doesn't make toooo much sense, but hey, it was a dream. I remember thinking I didn't really like/trust him or something and saying that I didn't think I had a spare one and that we were leaving that evening so I didn't have time to open up my laptop and check. And then he said something like I could leave the laptop with him and he could check and then ship it back to me for like $45-50 and I remember finding that idea very sketch and in my head going 'that's a definite no.' At this point, I think I woke up again because that's the last thing I remember happening.
Snippet-Dreams 3 & 4: I don't remember where I was going/what I was looking for, but this dream started with me wandering down a road. I wandered for a bit and then I think Yaya pulled over and picked me up. She was out running an errand or something and saw me. I think we talked a little and then this dream morphed into a slight different one. I was still in the passenger seat of a car but for some reason I have the distinct feeling I was no longer Alicia, I was now Jaejoong from DBSK o.O The reason I think this is because we saw Yunho, Junsu, and one other DBSK member (I'm not sure who... I think maybe Yoochun? Whichever one wasn't driving), so we stopped the car and I said 'Yunho-yah', which is Yunho's name plus a Korean familiar ending. And then that dream ended/I woke up, I don't remember which.
So yeah, that was fun XD I rather wish I remembered my dreams more often. Like, even in the first dream where I was held hostage, I don't remember feeling any real sense of panic. I remember thinking something along the line of 'aww man, I don't wanna be a hostage! I'm totally gonna be held hostage by them *pouts*' It was more of a bemused I know-it's-gonna-happen sort of acceptance. And in the dreams where I was wandering looking for family/whatever, I wasn't worried about it. I just wandered figuring I'd find them/whatever it was. I told my mom about the dreams and she thinks there interesting. She said that since all of them had wandering/being lost in them, it may be reflective of me not knowing what to do right now. She also thought it was interesting that all the doors to the rooms in the hotel/performance hall were open; sort of the idea that there's opportunity and so on. I too had thought that they pretty much all involved me wandering and that may be because I am doing that now, in a sense. She also thought it was interesting that one of them took place in Japan, which is where I want to be.
Oh well. I'm just glad I typed it all up before I forget. Hopefully I'll have more dreams I can remember more often! ^^
~ Alicia
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4am musings
Jun. 20th, 2009 | 03:14 am
music: Lenka - Live Like You're Dying
So it's nearing 4am and after a somewhat lengthy one-sided convo with The Universe, I can't sleep. I think I'm having a harder time with this post-college transition than I'm willing to admit.
Over the last couple weeks I've accomplished very little and I've been a bad friend to at least four people along the way. I think I've been trying to break ties or something... somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that I needed to sever ties with the past to move forward. I realize this is completely retarded. Without the past, there is no present and no future to move on to. I don't know why I've neglected so many people who've been such a large part of my life these last four years (and ten in one case) but starting tomorrow I'm going to try and mend any damage I've done.
I know that part of the problem is cowardice. If something is uncomfortable/hard, my first reaction is to avoid, run away, think about/deal with the consequences later. This is not a good strategy, I know this, but it's how I operate. I need to work on this as it's especially bad when applied to human relations. I haven't talked with my first host mom since October of last year. She sent me a Christmas present and I didn't even send her a thank you email. I kept telling myself "I'll do it when I get back to the US" and I didn't. Spring semester started and I kept reminding myself, "you need to email Kaori, you need to email Kaori" but I didn't. And now so much time has passed and I feel like such a sad excuse for a decent human being that I just want to avoid the whole situation and not contact her, which is horrible! I'm not doing much better with okaa-san either as I last spoke to her in early April. Aaaand I haven't spoken to my friend Julie in a couple months. I told myself "I'll look up the time difference between France and the US and then talk with her on SKype"... that was over a week ago. Why can't I be like most people and actually maintain contact with those that are important to me?
I think at the root of some of these issue is my JET rejection. I know logically that rejection is a part of life, you don't always get what you want. But I think this was the first time I didn't get something I really wanted. You'd think a 21 year old would be able to handle it, but sometimes I feel I'm at least five years behind in my abilities for dealing with what life throws at me. This is one of those times. I know I have to move on. I tell myself that I can't count on having a job with JET, I'm an alternate and the chances they'll call me are practically zero, but the chance is there.... and that's the problem. As much as I tell myself I need to hunt for jobs, I need to figure out what I'm doing with myself, a part of me is still clutching at straws and waiting for a phone call that may never come but whose possiblity haunts me. JET was supposed to be the next 'change' and I'm waiting for it to swoop in and 'save' me. It's like I'm in some sort of prolonged, JET-inspired depression of sorts...which is sad in and of itself. I didn't think I got depressed. Hell, I still don't think I'm depressed... perhaps I'm in denial.
Thinking back over my life, I've enjoyed change. I liked going to middle school, to high school, to UNC, and to Japan twice. I enjoyed my new experiences but now I'm just sitting here. I'm not moving forward, there's no 'change' in sight, and rather than be proactive about it, I've done nothing. I know that part of the problem is that I don't know what I want. Before, there was a path. Now there is not. Now it's all up to me and I've never been good at making decisions. I have vague desires that go in so many different directions and no idea which to pursue or how to get there and so I don't. I was listening to Lenka's 'Live Like You're Dying' earlier and I know that's what I need to do, I just need to find the motivation to get off my ass.
I need to be away from home, and not in the NC way. I think I need to leave my United-States-home. I'm not ready for a career and my pride won't let me take up some temp/secretarial position. I've considered teaching at an English conversation school in Japan or teaching English in Korea, but so far haven't been particularly inspired to further pursue either. At the moment, I'm thinking about joining Peace Corps. I'm not sure I could do it, or if they'd even want me, but I'm going to look into it. It would be mentally and physically challenging, as well as defer my loans until I can figure out what in the world I'm doing with my life. I need change and I need to do something. Though this isn't the attitude to have going into something like this, it's the only motivation I have right now.
Things to do tomorrow:
1. Shower
2. Call Becbecs, Ross, Bethany, and Crystal
3. Start composing a letter to Kaori & email to okaa-san
4. CLEAN like a mad woman
5. Mail FBI background check & IRS form to JET (y'know, just in case... >.<)
Well journal, I guess I'll try going to sleep. Again. Maybe I'll have better luck this time.... and if not, I guess I'll grab an extremely early breakfast and start tackling my To Do list.
<3 Alicia
Over the last couple weeks I've accomplished very little and I've been a bad friend to at least four people along the way. I think I've been trying to break ties or something... somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that I needed to sever ties with the past to move forward. I realize this is completely retarded. Without the past, there is no present and no future to move on to. I don't know why I've neglected so many people who've been such a large part of my life these last four years (and ten in one case) but starting tomorrow I'm going to try and mend any damage I've done.
I know that part of the problem is cowardice. If something is uncomfortable/hard, my first reaction is to avoid, run away, think about/deal with the consequences later. This is not a good strategy, I know this, but it's how I operate. I need to work on this as it's especially bad when applied to human relations. I haven't talked with my first host mom since October of last year. She sent me a Christmas present and I didn't even send her a thank you email. I kept telling myself "I'll do it when I get back to the US" and I didn't. Spring semester started and I kept reminding myself, "you need to email Kaori, you need to email Kaori" but I didn't. And now so much time has passed and I feel like such a sad excuse for a decent human being that I just want to avoid the whole situation and not contact her, which is horrible! I'm not doing much better with okaa-san either as I last spoke to her in early April. Aaaand I haven't spoken to my friend Julie in a couple months. I told myself "I'll look up the time difference between France and the US and then talk with her on SKype"... that was over a week ago. Why can't I be like most people and actually maintain contact with those that are important to me?
I think at the root of some of these issue is my JET rejection. I know logically that rejection is a part of life, you don't always get what you want. But I think this was the first time I didn't get something I really wanted. You'd think a 21 year old would be able to handle it, but sometimes I feel I'm at least five years behind in my abilities for dealing with what life throws at me. This is one of those times. I know I have to move on. I tell myself that I can't count on having a job with JET, I'm an alternate and the chances they'll call me are practically zero, but the chance is there.... and that's the problem. As much as I tell myself I need to hunt for jobs, I need to figure out what I'm doing with myself, a part of me is still clutching at straws and waiting for a phone call that may never come but whose possiblity haunts me. JET was supposed to be the next 'change' and I'm waiting for it to swoop in and 'save' me. It's like I'm in some sort of prolonged, JET-inspired depression of sorts...which is sad in and of itself. I didn't think I got depressed. Hell, I still don't think I'm depressed... perhaps I'm in denial.
Thinking back over my life, I've enjoyed change. I liked going to middle school, to high school, to UNC, and to Japan twice. I enjoyed my new experiences but now I'm just sitting here. I'm not moving forward, there's no 'change' in sight, and rather than be proactive about it, I've done nothing. I know that part of the problem is that I don't know what I want. Before, there was a path. Now there is not. Now it's all up to me and I've never been good at making decisions. I have vague desires that go in so many different directions and no idea which to pursue or how to get there and so I don't. I was listening to Lenka's 'Live Like You're Dying' earlier and I know that's what I need to do, I just need to find the motivation to get off my ass.
I need to be away from home, and not in the NC way. I think I need to leave my United-States-home. I'm not ready for a career and my pride won't let me take up some temp/secretarial position. I've considered teaching at an English conversation school in Japan or teaching English in Korea, but so far haven't been particularly inspired to further pursue either. At the moment, I'm thinking about joining Peace Corps. I'm not sure I could do it, or if they'd even want me, but I'm going to look into it. It would be mentally and physically challenging, as well as defer my loans until I can figure out what in the world I'm doing with my life. I need change and I need to do something. Though this isn't the attitude to have going into something like this, it's the only motivation I have right now.
Things to do tomorrow:
1. Shower
2. Call Becbecs, Ross, Bethany, and Crystal
3. Start composing a letter to Kaori & email to okaa-san
4. CLEAN like a mad woman
5. Mail FBI background check & IRS form to JET (y'know, just in case... >.<)
Well journal, I guess I'll try going to sleep. Again. Maybe I'll have better luck this time.... and if not, I guess I'll grab an extremely early breakfast and start tackling my To Do list.
<3 Alicia
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Boredom = random question thingy
Aug. 13th, 2008 | 06:21 pm
location: My room
music: The Republic Tigers
Alright, so as I was checking the journal of an author I read, I cam across this lovely boredom-fighting-questionnaire. I shall now complete it. (Stolen from xcorpusdelictix who stole it from logicandchaos)
1. One of your scars: How did you get it?
Putting pancakes in the oven to stay warm. Aren't I smart?
2. What is on the walls in your room?
Lots of old, computer printed pictures of Jpop artists and Sera Myu cast members... from like 7 years ago. I should really redecorate...
3. What does your cell phone look like?
It's blue and vaguely shiny. Rather boring actually. But it has phone charm hole/slot things, so I forgive it.
4. What music do you like to listen to?
Everything really. Mostly Jpop, Kpop, and American pop/rock though.
5. Do you know what time you were born?
Ummm I think it 7:30 pm.
6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Ice cream. And to be fluent in Japanese.
7. What do you miss?
Middle school. You might gape in disbelief but there was practically no RL stress, the school work was easy, and I got to hang out with my best friend all the time. Ah the good old days....
8. What is your most prized possession?
Sadly enough, I have to say my laptop..and the two external hard drives hooked up to it ^^;;;
9. What is your favourite smell?
Gah, this is hard... I really like cinnamon and mint.
10. Do you get claustrophobic?
I don't think so?
11. Do you get scared in the dark?
No.
13. What is your favourite cologne/perfume?
Ummm I really don't have one...
14. What kind of hair do you like on the opposite/same sex?
Shaggy/long-ish.
15. Where can you see yourself proposing at?
I don't really see myself proposing.... are you trying to tell me something? o.O
16. Coffee or energy drinks?
Meh more than likely neither.... but perhaps coffee if I can add half a cup of sugar and milk?
17. What is your favourite pizza topping?
Pepperoni...mmmm
18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
The gyoza my host mom made for me back in summer of 2006... yummy
19. Who is the last person you made mad?
Probably my mom.
20. Do you speak a different language?
I try. I've been taking Japanese for like 3 years now but I still fail utterly at conversing. I took one year of Korean, so I understand some random words/phrases but generally fail at speaking o.O
21. What was the first gift someone (of the opposite sex) ever gave you?
Ummm... *scratches head* I really don't remember
28. Would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving?
I would think not.... why go through that pain when given the option to skip it? o.O
29. What is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you?
Verbally. Writing takes too long and generally when you're telling them they're important, it's because they're freaking out and thinking they're worthless, so you want to respond ASAP *nods*
30. Say a number from one to one hundred.
Eight.
31. Blondes or brunettes?
Brunettes.
32. What is the one number you call often?
Probably home.
33. What annoys you most?
This rather impossible question. No, but maybe my dad? As much as I love him, he gets under my skin like no other. And stupidity, that does it too.
34. Have you been out of the country?
Yes.
35. Your weaknesses?
Cute/fluffy/shiny/pretty/frilly things (And four of those five are applicable to people... clearly I need help)
36. Where were you born?
In a hospital. (North Carolina)
37. First job?
Office assistant/intern.
38. Ever done a prank call?
Nope and hopefully I never will.
39. What were you doing before you filled out this survey?
Other internet stuff.
40. If you could get plastic surgery what would it be?
I think I'll pass, even though I do want to lose some weight.
41. Why did you fill out this survey?
Because xcorpusdelictix's answers amused me greatly and I was bored.
42. What do you get complimented about most?
Ummm.. I guess how pleasant I am?
43. What would you do if alcohol was outlawed?
Go about life as usual and try to avoid the people freaking out about it.
44. What do you want for your birthday?
Money? I know that sounds horrible, but I'm going abroad for a semester the day after my birthday... money would be a very good thing XD
45. How many kids do you want?
None? One? I really don't know...
46. Were you named after anyone?
My middle name is my Grandma's first name. And I don't know if this counts, but my first name came from my mom seeing light/sparkles around me and hearing a voice say it.... so apparently someone wanted that to be my name.
47. Do you wish on stars?
Yep.
48. Which finger(s) is your favourite?
Ummm... my index finger?
49. When did you last cry?
No idea.
50. Do you like your handwriting?
I like it well enough I guess.
51. What's your favourite lunch meat?
Bologna, although I don't eat it often.
52. Any bad habits?
Oversleeping, procrastination, laziness, being ovely critical... I could go on but I think I won't.
53. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf?
I don't have one.
54. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
I'd like to think so.
55. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?
Yes.
56. Do looks matter?
Even though I wish they didn't, they do.
57. How do you release anger?
Ummm I don't really get 'angry' that often. A little irritated, but no major/contained anger really. I sometimes rant on LJ though.
58. Where is your second home?
My dorm room in Chapel Hill
59. Do you trust others easily?
Yes, maybe too easily?
60. What was your favourite toy as a child?
Probably either my stuffed animals (especially James the dog) or my baby dolls (particularly Sparkles).
61. How many numbers are in your cell phone?
I have no clue. Maybe 20-30?
63. Do you use sarcasm?
Who me? Never *rolls eyes*
64. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
No.
65. What do you look for in a girl/boy?
Having a good sense of humor and showing kindness to others are pretty high up there.
66. What are your nicknames?
I guess Ali (pronounced 'alley') and 'Licia (think 'leash' + 'uh' )
68. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Nope.
70. What's your favourite ice cream flavour?
If there was a Mint Cookies and Cream, that'd be it... but since there isn't, I guess Mint Chocolate Chip.
72. What are your favourite colours?
Pretty much any shade of pink or blue.
73. How many wisdom teeth do you have?
None, but three tried to come in and were subsequently surgically removed >.<
75. Do you want everyone to answer these questions?
Maybe? *shrugs*
76. What are you listening to right now?
The Republic Tigers - Buildings and Mountains
77. Last thing you ate?
Some peanut M&Ms... healthy eating, what's that?
78. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Aunt Barbie
79. The first thing you notice in the opposite/same sex?
Their smile... or perhaps just if they seem friendly?
82. Favourite drink?
Milk
84. What is your favourite sport?
I don't like sports that much, but I enjoy watching figure skating and going ice skating every now and again.
85. Hair colour?
Brown but I used to be blond (naturally at birth and dyed until about a month ago)
86. Eye colour?
Blue.
87. Do you wear glasses?
Sometimes. I wear them when I have to take my contacts out.
88. Siblings?
None.
89. Favourite month?
Hmmm probably April or May.
90. You like sushi?
Hai.
91. Last thing you watched?
Tohoshinki performing Doushtie Kimi wo Suki ni natte shimattan darou.
93. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Yeah, unfortunately.
94. Summer or Winter?
Neither really.. Winter more than Summer, but Spring and Fall win.
95. Kisses or hugs?
Hugs!
96. Relationships or one night stands?
Relationships.
97. Who is the most likely to answer these questions?
Umm... Mallory maybe? Porbably not tho... 'cause that would require her seeing this post XD
98. Who is the least likely to answer these questions?
Anyone?
99. What books are you reading?
Fingersmith.
100. Where do you work?
In an office.
1. One of your scars: How did you get it?
Putting pancakes in the oven to stay warm. Aren't I smart?
2. What is on the walls in your room?
Lots of old, computer printed pictures of Jpop artists and Sera Myu cast members... from like 7 years ago. I should really redecorate...
3. What does your cell phone look like?
It's blue and vaguely shiny. Rather boring actually. But it has phone charm hole/slot things, so I forgive it.
4. What music do you like to listen to?
Everything really. Mostly Jpop, Kpop, and American pop/rock though.
5. Do you know what time you were born?
Ummm I think it 7:30 pm.
6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Ice cream. And to be fluent in Japanese.
7. What do you miss?
Middle school. You might gape in disbelief but there was practically no RL stress, the school work was easy, and I got to hang out with my best friend all the time. Ah the good old days....
8. What is your most prized possession?
Sadly enough, I have to say my laptop..and the two external hard drives hooked up to it ^^;;;
9. What is your favourite smell?
Gah, this is hard... I really like cinnamon and mint.
10. Do you get claustrophobic?
I don't think so?
11. Do you get scared in the dark?
No.
13. What is your favourite cologne/perfume?
Ummm I really don't have one...
14. What kind of hair do you like on the opposite/same sex?
Shaggy/long-ish.
15. Where can you see yourself proposing at?
I don't really see myself proposing.... are you trying to tell me something? o.O
16. Coffee or energy drinks?
Meh more than likely neither.... but perhaps coffee if I can add half a cup of sugar and milk?
17. What is your favourite pizza topping?
Pepperoni...mmmm
18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
The gyoza my host mom made for me back in summer of 2006... yummy
19. Who is the last person you made mad?
Probably my mom.
20. Do you speak a different language?
I try. I've been taking Japanese for like 3 years now but I still fail utterly at conversing. I took one year of Korean, so I understand some random words/phrases but generally fail at speaking o.O
21. What was the first gift someone (of the opposite sex) ever gave you?
Ummm... *scratches head* I really don't remember
28. Would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving?
I would think not.... why go through that pain when given the option to skip it? o.O
29. What is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you?
Verbally. Writing takes too long and generally when you're telling them they're important, it's because they're freaking out and thinking they're worthless, so you want to respond ASAP *nods*
30. Say a number from one to one hundred.
Eight.
31. Blondes or brunettes?
Brunettes.
32. What is the one number you call often?
Probably home.
33. What annoys you most?
This rather impossible question. No, but maybe my dad? As much as I love him, he gets under my skin like no other. And stupidity, that does it too.
34. Have you been out of the country?
Yes.
35. Your weaknesses?
Cute/fluffy/shiny/pretty/frilly things (And four of those five are applicable to people... clearly I need help)
36. Where were you born?
In a hospital. (North Carolina)
37. First job?
Office assistant/intern.
38. Ever done a prank call?
Nope and hopefully I never will.
39. What were you doing before you filled out this survey?
Other internet stuff.
40. If you could get plastic surgery what would it be?
I think I'll pass, even though I do want to lose some weight.
41. Why did you fill out this survey?
Because xcorpusdelictix's answers amused me greatly and I was bored.
42. What do you get complimented about most?
Ummm.. I guess how pleasant I am?
43. What would you do if alcohol was outlawed?
Go about life as usual and try to avoid the people freaking out about it.
44. What do you want for your birthday?
Money? I know that sounds horrible, but I'm going abroad for a semester the day after my birthday... money would be a very good thing XD
45. How many kids do you want?
None? One? I really don't know...
46. Were you named after anyone?
My middle name is my Grandma's first name. And I don't know if this counts, but my first name came from my mom seeing light/sparkles around me and hearing a voice say it.... so apparently someone wanted that to be my name.
47. Do you wish on stars?
Yep.
48. Which finger(s) is your favourite?
Ummm... my index finger?
49. When did you last cry?
No idea.
50. Do you like your handwriting?
I like it well enough I guess.
51. What's your favourite lunch meat?
Bologna, although I don't eat it often.
52. Any bad habits?
Oversleeping, procrastination, laziness, being ovely critical... I could go on but I think I won't.
53. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf?
I don't have one.
54. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
I'd like to think so.
55. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?
Yes.
56. Do looks matter?
Even though I wish they didn't, they do.
57. How do you release anger?
Ummm I don't really get 'angry' that often. A little irritated, but no major/contained anger really. I sometimes rant on LJ though.
58. Where is your second home?
My dorm room in Chapel Hill
59. Do you trust others easily?
Yes, maybe too easily?
60. What was your favourite toy as a child?
Probably either my stuffed animals (especially James the dog) or my baby dolls (particularly Sparkles).
61. How many numbers are in your cell phone?
I have no clue. Maybe 20-30?
63. Do you use sarcasm?
Who me? Never *rolls eyes*
64. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
No.
65. What do you look for in a girl/boy?
Having a good sense of humor and showing kindness to others are pretty high up there.
66. What are your nicknames?
I guess Ali (pronounced 'alley') and 'Licia (think 'leash' + 'uh' )
68. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Nope.
70. What's your favourite ice cream flavour?
If there was a Mint Cookies and Cream, that'd be it... but since there isn't, I guess Mint Chocolate Chip.
72. What are your favourite colours?
Pretty much any shade of pink or blue.
73. How many wisdom teeth do you have?
None, but three tried to come in and were subsequently surgically removed >.<
75. Do you want everyone to answer these questions?
Maybe? *shrugs*
76. What are you listening to right now?
The Republic Tigers - Buildings and Mountains
77. Last thing you ate?
Some peanut M&Ms... healthy eating, what's that?
78. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Aunt Barbie
79. The first thing you notice in the opposite/same sex?
Their smile... or perhaps just if they seem friendly?
82. Favourite drink?
Milk
84. What is your favourite sport?
I don't like sports that much, but I enjoy watching figure skating and going ice skating every now and again.
85. Hair colour?
Brown but I used to be blond (naturally at birth and dyed until about a month ago)
86. Eye colour?
Blue.
87. Do you wear glasses?
Sometimes. I wear them when I have to take my contacts out.
88. Siblings?
None.
89. Favourite month?
Hmmm probably April or May.
90. You like sushi?
Hai.
91. Last thing you watched?
Tohoshinki performing Doushtie Kimi wo Suki ni natte shimattan darou.
93. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Yeah, unfortunately.
94. Summer or Winter?
Neither really.. Winter more than Summer, but Spring and Fall win.
95. Kisses or hugs?
Hugs!
96. Relationships or one night stands?
Relationships.
97. Who is the most likely to answer these questions?
Umm... Mallory maybe? Porbably not tho... 'cause that would require her seeing this post XD
98. Who is the least likely to answer these questions?
Anyone?
99. What books are you reading?
Fingersmith.
100. Where do you work?
In an office.
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Feeling anxious...
Jul. 28th, 2008 | 12:41 pm
So there's about a month remaining until I leave for Japan and I'm rather freaked out. I'm anxious about receiving my Certificate of Eligibility (so I can get my visa) on time, I'm freaking out about the placement test and my (declining) Japanese skills, and I kind of don't want to leave everyone at UNC for a semester... I realize this is probably just pre-departure nervousness/jitters, but I hate it.
I'm a Japanese major. I love Japan. I should be absolutely exstatic, but instead I'm petrified. I'm not worried about being away from my family, I know that will be okay, but I'm worried about being with a new host family. I don't know how much the school tells them about my Japanese 'level' but if they tell them all the courses I've taken, they'll probably be expecting someone who can hold a decent conversation... which I can't, really. All of my friends are like 'you're good at Japanese'... but they don't know Japanese. I sound good perhaps but to a Japanese person I'm just a bumbling gaijin. I'm usually okay with understanding what's being said to me (probably ~85% comprehension) but my ability to actually respond is sub-par and I don't know how to fix it. And I think part of the problem is that I've taken so much Japanese... I fear I'm getting burned out. And if not that, it feels familiar and that makes it extra hard to re-study what I've learned. I know that i'm shaky on grammar I should have down pat but I can't bring myself to seriously sit down with it. And there's grammar that I don't really get but I see/hear used on TV/in songs but I can't really find information about it. Japanese books only go so far with teaching grammar and then I guess they figure if you have the basics, you can work your way through the rest.... but it's hard when for the last two years nearly, I haven't had grammar instruction and the old grammar isn't being re-emphasized. When I read or hear stuff, I generally get it. But then sensei asks me a question and I'm going 'ahh I know this grammar, I know this grammar... how does it work?? *panic*'
Okay, so I have more that I could ramble about and maybe I will later. For now, my lunch break has just ended and I have a TON of work to do because I missed about a week and a half due to my Popou (grandpa) passing and my family making a trip to FL to be with other family. It was very nice getting to see everyone and laugh with them and the memorial service was very nice, but it's really thrown me off... I don't even know where to beging at work. I knew I'd have loose ends when I leave mid-August because I help out in like.. 4 different divisions/departments....but now I don't know if I'll be able to really complete any of the 'projects' by then *sighs* Oh well, back to the grindstone.....
Note to self: Remember to call Mal, Bethany, & Becbecs >.< Maybe this will help me remember....
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Writer's Block: Food Loves and Hates
Jul. 14th, 2008 | 12:20 pm
location: Toter
Oooh another fun one. Hmm I can't live without broccoli (cooked), turkey, pizza, and chocolate for sure. Oh, and milk, must have milk! I want to keep listing things, but then the list would pretty much never end o.O As for foods I can't stomach, spinach, pumpkin (the vegetable, not the tasty pie), raw onion, and raw broccoli... I should probably say more about all of this, but I think I'd rather stalk other LJs and see what my favorite singers are doing at the moment XD Bai bai <3
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Writer's Block: Birthmarks, rebirthmarks, etc.
Jul. 8th, 2008 | 12:30 pm
What kind of birthmark do you have? How does it look? If you don't have one already, what kind of birthmark would you like to have? Submitted By |
If I can remember, I'll try to take a pic of it when I get home at 5:30-6pm-ish (EST).... 'cause I swear, it looks more like a cat than my cruddy drawing makes it seem XD
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Writer's Block: Hope (aka, I have nothing to do at lunch)
Jul. 7th, 2008 | 12:19 pm
location: My cube at Toter, eating my lunch
mood: 
tired
music: Bad Religion - God's Love
Hmm maybe answering the writer's block question on a semi-daily basis will help me keep a more active journal ^^ In regards to this question, I actually find it pretty difficult to answer. I don't really know what gives me hope for the future o.O Perhaps it's my idealistic way of thinking that says mankind is inherently good? At the same time, I do have that sinking feeling that everything's going to fall apart over the next few decades, whether it be due simply to human negligence of the planet we occupy, more wars, and/or fossil fuel crises. And despite that bit of worry, I really am an optimistic person, I promise! ^^;;
In a way, I think the whole 'hope for the future' thing is related to how a person is raised/the enivronment in which one is raised and, to be quite frank, the genes a person has. It's amazing how different the outlooks are of people who are raised in households of different socioeconomic status and different family situations. I think if your home life is 'worse,' you aren't as likely to have hope for the future because, well, you certainly aren't doing all that well in the present, now are you? I grew up in a (for the most part) lower-middle income household (althought the last few years, we'd probably just be 'low') but my parents (and extended family) have always been positive and encouraging. I have a friend who's parents are divorced and there always seems to be yelling back and forth and... it just not as stable an environment. Now I'm not saying she has any less hope than I do, but I reckon her experiences at home do influence how she thinks about her future. I also think genes play a role. I recently saw an article over at yahoo.com that talked about how 'happy' a person is can be linked to their genes. So, if someone inherits genes that would make them have a generally positive attitude/upbeat personality, I think they'd be more likely to have hope for the future just because they're generally 'hopeful,' so to speak. I kind of think I'm in this category, as I tend to be a pretty 'happy' person on a day-to-day basis.
In a way, I think the whole 'hope for the future' thing is related to how a person is raised/the enivronment in which one is raised and, to be quite frank, the genes a person has. It's amazing how different the outlooks are of people who are raised in households of different socioeconomic status and different family situations. I think if your home life is 'worse,' you aren't as likely to have hope for the future because, well, you certainly aren't doing all that well in the present, now are you? I grew up in a (for the most part) lower-middle income household (althought the last few years, we'd probably just be 'low') but my parents (and extended family) have always been positive and encouraging. I have a friend who's parents are divorced and there always seems to be yelling back and forth and... it just not as stable an environment. Now I'm not saying she has any less hope than I do, but I reckon her experiences at home do influence how she thinks about her future. I also think genes play a role. I recently saw an article over at yahoo.com that talked about how 'happy' a person is can be linked to their genes. So, if someone inherits genes that would make them have a generally positive attitude/upbeat personality, I think they'd be more likely to have hope for the future just because they're generally 'hopeful,' so to speak. I kind of think I'm in this category, as I tend to be a pretty 'happy' person on a day-to-day basis.
I think my faith in mankind to actually care about others and the world on which we live is what gives me most of my hope for the future of our world. This hope does get tested frequently, as people are always doing stupid/harmful things both to each other and the other creatures here. I'm really not sure how I maintain my hope, other than that naive/idealistic part of me that just keeps insisting things will all work out if I just stop worrying so much about it. I guess I just have faith that it'll all be alright (despite not having 'religious' faith, so to speak). I think hope can be hard to maintain but life would be a lot more depressing without it!
Okay, that was kind of fun. ^^ I'm gonna have to remember to respond to these more often *nods* Aaaand now I'm going to stare at some kanji for about 25 minutes before my lunch ends and I go help my boss get her mail merge to work XD Later! <3
~ Alicia
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Let's get the ball rolling...
May. 29th, 2008 | 12:40 pm
I know I've said this before but I really should start trying to post with some regularity. I think part of the problem is I don't always have anything particularly interesting to say... and another problem would probably just be laziness XD I have a really hard time making myself stay in touch with people that I don't see often, so posting in a journal online that a few people maybe read now and again tends to fall through the cracks in my daily activities.
In any case, the reason I'm posting right now is because I'm at work and on my lunch break...and really, I don't have anything better to do XD Also, I've just realized that I finished a translation for dbsg comm/DBSKer like a week ago..and completely forgot to ever post it >.< And since it's on my home comp I can't do it now and the one's at work don't support Japanese text, so I can't even look at the lyrics and re-translate. Come to think of it, that would probably be a bad idea as I remember working a bit with the translation to make it flow better ^^ So yes, hopefully I won't have forgotten again by the time I get home and will actually get it posted in about 6 hours or so!
Hmm as for something intresting... well, I'm going to Japan for my fall semester, does that count? hehe Now I'm just waiting to hear about the remaining three scholarships I applied for... the first three were all like 'sorry, no' >.< *crosses fingers for JASSO to give her funds* Well, regardless of whether I get scholarships or not, I will be at Nanzan University in Nagoya from the beginning of September till December 20th, so happy times.... I think. I actually think I'm more freaked out about going this time around than I was when I went over the summer for six weeks in 2006. I think it's because I feel like there's so much more expected of me this time. The six week program was through UNC and went by UNC's curriculum and you had to be taking either 2nd or 3rd year Japanese. I was taking 2nd year, which meant for those six weeks we learned from the Genki II textbook, versus the Genki 1 book we used the first year; not a big deal as the format of the lessons and such was already familiar. Also, I think that since I'd only had a year of the language and I felt comfortable with what I'd learned thus far, I wasn't tooooooo worried about speaking with my host family. Sure, I was nervous and worried, but it turned out it was just me and my hostmom together because her husband worked out of the country and she had no children, so I got to form a good one-on-one relationship with her. Her English wasn't very strong but we'd try to communicate our ideas as best we could and if all else failed, we'd consult her electronic dictionary. I truly had an amazing experience.
But now, I've had the equivalent of 4 or 5 years of Japanese (supposedly; truly, I doubt I'm very much out of 'intermediate' [around 3rd year] level) and I'm going to a Japanese university where no one else I know will be attending and I'm going to have to take a placement test. I'm truly scared that I'll do horribly on it. I'm also more worried about staying with a host family this time around as well. I think it's because the situation last time was unique; it's not often you'll be placed with a Japanese housewife in her 40s with no children or husband around (or at least, I don't think it's likely). I figure this time I'll likely be with a couple and they may or may not have children. I specified on my housing form that I felt more comfortable with kids older than eight years but now I'm sort of like 'what was I thinking??' Because really, younger kids don't expect much. They want someone to play with them, maybe help them a little with reading something; they want to be entertained. Older children however are more likely to want to talk more and, while smaller children are more likely to say things straight to your face as they lack tact, I think older children are more likely to make judgements about you. And that also worries me. I don't feel especially confident in my Japanese abilities as it is. And I'm going to stop now, because there's more... but if I talk about it, I'll probably end up thinking/freaking out about it more. I'm just one big ball of excitement and worry right now *sighs*
Alright, I think now I'm going to do something relaxing for the remaining 15 mins of my lunch time. Maybe play a game of some sort. If anyone reads this, I'm sorry it's so long and pointless XD I tend to be rather wordy ^^;;; Dewa, ja mata! <3
~ Alicia
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5am Musings
Mar. 12th, 2008 | 05:10 am
location: my room
mood: 
pessimistic
music: Tohoshinki - One
So, it's going on five am and I'm still up. I've decided to muse a bit. The subject of my musing, you ask? Me and late-night inspiration. For some reason, the only time I'm 'creative' as far as writing goes is laaaaate night/early morning. Like about half an hour ago when I wrote this YooSu (Yoochun and Junsu from DBSK) centric drabble:
http://community.livejournal.com/yoosu_y
I just don't get why when I'm inspired, it's angsty. I'm a happy person, really. Why don't I write happy, fluffy drabbles? Maybe because when I write I'm not drawing from RL experience? The two drabbles I've written are total angst fests and I really don't have much angst in my day to day life. And I certainly don't have angst in my love life because I don't have a love life. Maybe that's it? I angst about other peoples' possible love lives because I don't have one? o.O ...... I should really be introspective less often.... I think now I know why I don't muse often.... you get answers you really don't want >.<
But I don't know that that's it. I don't even think I want a relationship. I just can't see myself being romantic with anyone. It freaks me out. It also vaguely grosses me out. Of course, that could just be the one remotely romantic experience, having been rather... bad, talking. But it just seems far too complicated and effort involving. Yes, I want other people in my life. But no, I don't particularly feel like being with one person for the rest of it. And I know at this point in life we aren't supposed to be thinking in terms of forever after, but I was raised with the American dream and romantic notions shoved down my throat. No matter how impractical it may be, in some corner of my mind there's a voice that says 'you'll meet that one special person some day and it'll be magical and happily ever after.' And I guess I'm too scared to even try to pursue a relationship. I mean really, who would I date? My guy friends are pretty much all in COUp, which means no because that would be awkward, or they're gay. And I don't think I can go from friends to dating because I'd be too scared it'd fuck things up if it didn't work out. And... I just don't know. I don't think I'm asexual... but I can't see myself being with anyone any time soon. There's another nagging voice in my head that keeps muttering 'maybe in the fall in Japan' and I have to keep squashing it with a mental thumb. That's more ridiculous and less likely than me dating someone else at UNC >.< *sighs*
And I think I'm going to sleep now... see, even my blog posts at this time of night are angst...
http://community.livejournal.com/yoosu_y
I just don't get why when I'm inspired, it's angsty. I'm a happy person, really. Why don't I write happy, fluffy drabbles? Maybe because when I write I'm not drawing from RL experience? The two drabbles I've written are total angst fests and I really don't have much angst in my day to day life. And I certainly don't have angst in my love life because I don't have a love life. Maybe that's it? I angst about other peoples' possible love lives because I don't have one? o.O ...... I should really be introspective less often.... I think now I know why I don't muse often.... you get answers you really don't want >.<
But I don't know that that's it. I don't even think I want a relationship. I just can't see myself being romantic with anyone. It freaks me out. It also vaguely grosses me out. Of course, that could just be the one remotely romantic experience, having been rather... bad, talking. But it just seems far too complicated and effort involving. Yes, I want other people in my life. But no, I don't particularly feel like being with one person for the rest of it. And I know at this point in life we aren't supposed to be thinking in terms of forever after, but I was raised with the American dream and romantic notions shoved down my throat. No matter how impractical it may be, in some corner of my mind there's a voice that says 'you'll meet that one special person some day and it'll be magical and happily ever after.' And I guess I'm too scared to even try to pursue a relationship. I mean really, who would I date? My guy friends are pretty much all in COUp, which means no because that would be awkward, or they're gay. And I don't think I can go from friends to dating because I'd be too scared it'd fuck things up if it didn't work out. And... I just don't know. I don't think I'm asexual... but I can't see myself being with anyone any time soon. There's another nagging voice in my head that keeps muttering 'maybe in the fall in Japan' and I have to keep squashing it with a mental thumb. That's more ridiculous and less likely than me dating someone else at UNC >.< *sighs*
And I think I'm going to sleep now... see, even my blog posts at this time of night are angst...
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Spring Break!!! ^__^
Mar. 12th, 2008 | 03:18 am
location: my room
music: Tohoshinki - Asu wa Kuru kara
Okay, so let's just all ('all' being me and ペーラさん XD) accept that I can not commit to doing things on a schedule. This is my first post in what... 7 months? o.O *sighs* Well, in any case, it's Spring Break and I am very happy about that! I've been translating lots of DBSK songs and reading good fic and sleeping, so all is well ^_^
Ummm... now that I've actually started this post, I can't remember why I was posting o.O I'm sure there was something bigger I should be saying... but seeing as how it's past 3am and my brain is apparently failing, I guess I'll just go to sleep and hopefully get back to you on that ^^;;; おやすみ！ <3
Ummm... now that I've actually started this post, I can't remember why I was posting o.O I'm sure there was something bigger I should be saying... but seeing as how it's past 3am and my brain is apparently failing, I guess I'll just go to sleep and hopefully get back to you on that ^^;;; おやすみ！ <3
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Musings
Aug. 13th, 2007 | 10:49 am
location: Downstairs, guest room
mood: 
contemplative
music: Tohoshinki - Love in the Ice
So I haven't posted in forever yet again. This seems to be a trend I'm not good at breaking, but I'm really going to try now that a new semester is starting and there'll likely be more to talk about.
The other day, my mom had on some show with this woman named Christiane Northrup talking. She specializes in women's health and said some pretty lifting things. She also talked about the tendency to go negative, and to tune into "Worthless Woman 101.9," as she called it. And I must say I hadn't really given that much thought before. From now on, I plan to make sure I don't spend my time tuned to it.
She also noted that it wasn't just women, it was our society in general; it's so much easier to go negative than positive. And I thought about the amazing women I've worked with this summer who deal with so much shit from their managers yet they still come back day after day because they need a job, they know how to do this job, they know the people there.
Most of the shit that goes down isn't their fault, it's the guys above them making changes to orders and screwing up the production schedule/hot stamps/serial numbers/something. They don't even tell them they've made a change half the time. And then they expect our ladies to fix what ever fuck ups they've caused and, oh while your at it, could you fax this for me/write this letter/do something for me that I really should be doing but feel like making you, my secretary-for-the-day, do anyway?
I've asked myself so many times, "Why the hell can't everyone just do their job? There wouldn't be this many problems if they did, can't they see that?" I still don't have an answer. I don't understand why they don't feel this need to do their job and do it well, to do their part; I know I do. I know my ladies do. These managers above them are certainly getting paid more but they don't seem to be doing anything that warrants that to me. I don't really know all that they do, and I'm sure there are things that justify their substantially higher pay, but half the time they're not doing things they should be and interfering with things they shouldn't. They don't seem to see that they're at fault for so many of the problems that come up.
And having been working again with these wonderful women for the last few months, I'm saddened to be leaving, yet somewhat glad for the return to school. I'm also more worried than I think I ever was about entering the workforce at some point within the next few years. Seeing the shit they have to deal with, how stressed they get over it... I don't want my life to be like that. They're mostly happy but I can tell they get so frustrated with the way things are at work.
And I mean, I really don't know what I want to do. They say you should do something you're passionate about. Well, I'm passionate about Japanese... but that doesn't exactly make the jobs pile up at my feet. I don't have any special skills really. Maybe I'm tuned into that negative station right now, but it's not like I can run a company or balance books or repair stuff or some other skill for which employers hire people. I can speak and read SOME Japanese. That's about it.
And more and more I'm asking myself what the hell am I going to do with this? I know I want to be in Japan... but I don't want to leave everyone here behind. And being in Japan is basically assuming JET will take me, which I'm very scared they won't as they become more and more selective.
Yet despite all these worries and questions, I can't help but feel most of the time that things are going to work out. I have no real reason to think that I suppose, but I do. Somehow, someway, it's going to fall into place. I hope.
I had a goal, I think, when I first started typing this entry, but I think I've lost it now ^^;; That was a bit more.... down than I intended it to be at first. But I suppose I needed to get that out.
Well, I guess I'll end here and come back when something else strikes me.
The other day, my mom had on some show with this woman named Christiane Northrup talking. She specializes in women's health and said some pretty lifting things. She also talked about the tendency to go negative, and to tune into "Worthless Woman 101.9," as she called it. And I must say I hadn't really given that much thought before. From now on, I plan to make sure I don't spend my time tuned to it.
She also noted that it wasn't just women, it was our society in general; it's so much easier to go negative than positive. And I thought about the amazing women I've worked with this summer who deal with so much shit from their managers yet they still come back day after day because they need a job, they know how to do this job, they know the people there.
Most of the shit that goes down isn't their fault, it's the guys above them making changes to orders and screwing up the production schedule/hot stamps/serial numbers/something. They don't even tell them they've made a change half the time. And then they expect our ladies to fix what ever fuck ups they've caused and, oh while your at it, could you fax this for me/write this letter/do something for me that I really should be doing but feel like making you, my secretary-for-the-day, do anyway?
I've asked myself so many times, "Why the hell can't everyone just do their job? There wouldn't be this many problems if they did, can't they see that?" I still don't have an answer. I don't understand why they don't feel this need to do their job and do it well, to do their part; I know I do. I know my ladies do. These managers above them are certainly getting paid more but they don't seem to be doing anything that warrants that to me. I don't really know all that they do, and I'm sure there are things that justify their substantially higher pay, but half the time they're not doing things they should be and interfering with things they shouldn't. They don't seem to see that they're at fault for so many of the problems that come up.
And having been working again with these wonderful women for the last few months, I'm saddened to be leaving, yet somewhat glad for the return to school. I'm also more worried than I think I ever was about entering the workforce at some point within the next few years. Seeing the shit they have to deal with, how stressed they get over it... I don't want my life to be like that. They're mostly happy but I can tell they get so frustrated with the way things are at work.
And I mean, I really don't know what I want to do. They say you should do something you're passionate about. Well, I'm passionate about Japanese... but that doesn't exactly make the jobs pile up at my feet. I don't have any special skills really. Maybe I'm tuned into that negative station right now, but it's not like I can run a company or balance books or repair stuff or some other skill for which employers hire people. I can speak and read SOME Japanese. That's about it.
And more and more I'm asking myself what the hell am I going to do with this? I know I want to be in Japan... but I don't want to leave everyone here behind. And being in Japan is basically assuming JET will take me, which I'm very scared they won't as they become more and more selective.
Yet despite all these worries and questions, I can't help but feel most of the time that things are going to work out. I have no real reason to think that I suppose, but I do. Somehow, someway, it's going to fall into place. I hope.
I had a goal, I think, when I first started typing this entry, but I think I've lost it now ^^;; That was a bit more.... down than I intended it to be at first. But I suppose I needed to get that out.
Well, I guess I'll end here and come back when something else strikes me.
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More random-ness
Jun. 4th, 2007 | 01:49 am
location: Room
mood: dorky
music: Shiny Toy Guns - Rainy Monday
Mmm so I am once again awake at late hours...and have to be awake for work in less than six hours >.> Why do I do this exactly? *scratches head* Oh yeah, that's right, because the internet is baaaaad for me and calls to me to read its boundless array of ficcy-goodness! And I still have to shower...blargh >.> And on to something that isn't me complaining about my bad sleep-schedule management....
I'm reaaaallly obsessive with Fall Out Boy's "Infinity on High" album at the moment... I listen to at least half of it daily XD I'm also getting more into Shiny Toy Guns, although their lyrics kinda make me go "o.O ftw?" half the time. Oooh and even though like... no one reads this, if by chance someone stumbles onto it, and happens to know where I can find an interview with Pete and Patrick (from FOB) where they talk about fans, album, song writing, etc etc with some guy... it's really informal... they're like on a couch or a couple of chairs or something.... because I saw it like.. sometime earlier this year? or maybe late last year? and now I can not find it anywhere o.O I kind of don't think I watched it on YouTube but it's not on the official site or yahoo!music or anything like that, so if anyone knows what I'm talking about and where I can find it, please let me know!
Hmmm I think I will now read a bit more fic and then shower and crash... because, ya know, sleep is probably a good idea before going to work for 8 1/2 hours.... even if it is just 4 hours or so by the time I actually crash >.< Love you all (even though no one will see this XD) <3
I'm reaaaallly obsessive with Fall Out Boy's "Infinity on High" album at the moment... I listen to at least half of it daily XD I'm also getting more into Shiny Toy Guns, although their lyrics kinda make me go "o.O ftw?" half the time. Oooh and even though like... no one reads this, if by chance someone stumbles onto it, and happens to know where I can find an interview with Pete and Patrick (from FOB) where they talk about fans, album, song writing, etc etc with some guy... it's really informal... they're like on a couch or a couple of chairs or something.... because I saw it like.. sometime earlier this year? or maybe late last year? and now I can not find it anywhere o.O I kind of don't think I watched it on YouTube but it's not on the official site or yahoo!music or anything like that, so if anyone knows what I'm talking about and where I can find it, please let me know!
Hmmm I think I will now read a bit more fic and then shower and crash... because, ya know, sleep is probably a good idea before going to work for 8 1/2 hours.... even if it is just 4 hours or so by the time I actually crash >.< Love you all (even though no one will see this XD) <3
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Wheee! Summer-ness!
Jun. 1st, 2007 | 12:47 am
location: Room (home!)
mood: 
blergh... kinda tired too o.O
music: Kobukuro - Tsubasa yo Are ga PARI no Hi da
So I've been home a few weeks now and it's pretty boring here. I really miss being able to walk five minutes and have food, books, school supplies/random stuff, and DVD rental available, not to mention all my friends from UNC are now either home, at summer school, or in a foreign country.... oh the ease-of-accessibility and uniting force that is Carolina, how I miss thee!
Home is nice though. I get to see my cat and my parents, so yay ^^ I also have a 40 hr/wk job with the company I worked for back in high school (Toter, Inc), so I file POs and do order entry for them. Very nice people despite the rather monotonous work.
Right now I'm just puttering around the net and checking for new JaeHo clips/pics/fics. Yes, I'm a sad, sad obsessive fangirl XD It really is encouraging, though, how friendly, open, and fangirly the LJ comms jaeho_yongonwhi and jaeho_detox are! And now I'm also checking yoosu_yongwonhi because I got hooked on a couple fics there the other day.... oh how the net is bad, yet oh so good XD
I'm also working on romanizing 5 Kobukuro albums (just finishing album #2 as I post this entry) because I love them and the site I go to for romaji only has one album and this saddens me. Therefore, I shall romanize all the others and contribute them ^_^ Also, I've been recording some songs and hopefully will update my SoundClick page with a few new songs within the next week or so. I'm contemplating buying a real mic... you know, shiny meshy silver top and all? But then I worry that I'd spend the $30 or so and then a) the expensive mic doesn't actually make my recordings sound any clearer/more professional because my soundcard sucks and/or b) I hardly end up using it.
I should really work on my "oooh! something shiny! *save up money, buy, use a time or two and then the lovely new shiny sits somewhere for ages before I give it a second thought* " problem.... I also think this is part of why I have little interest in/don't do relationships.... I think I'd just be like "ooh pretty person! wheee! * a few weeks later* I is bored... >.> .... oooh another pretty person!" XD As sad as that is, I really think my attnetion span is that low! Wow, that makes me sound like a whore or something! XD I'm not, I promise! People who know me know I'm reaaallly not! I just don't do dating o.O I is weird, yes *nods*
And I should really be doing something else like, you know, sleeping, especially since I have to get up in about 7 hours.... but oh well. I'll survive. It's Friday, so I can sleep on the weekend.
Hmmm I guess I shall stop rambling for now... I just felt like I might as well post since I was up and visiting an LJ or two. Maybe at some point I'll develop some sort of regularity with posting (and remembering this things exists) but knowing me, it's not likely to be soon ^^;;; I will try though? Yes. Well, goodnight to the one person (maybe?) who reads this!! Hope everyone is having a fun summer thus far! Love you! <3
~ Alicia
Home is nice though. I get to see my cat and my parents, so yay ^^ I also have a 40 hr/wk job with the company I worked for back in high school (Toter, Inc), so I file POs and do order entry for them. Very nice people despite the rather monotonous work.
Right now I'm just puttering around the net and checking for new JaeHo clips/pics/fics. Yes, I'm a sad, sad obsessive fangirl XD It really is encouraging, though, how friendly, open, and fangirly the LJ comms jaeho_yongonwhi and jaeho_detox are! And now I'm also checking yoosu_yongwonhi because I got hooked on a couple fics there the other day.... oh how the net is bad, yet oh so good XD
I'm also working on romanizing 5 Kobukuro albums (just finishing album #2 as I post this entry) because I love them and the site I go to for romaji only has one album and this saddens me. Therefore, I shall romanize all the others and contribute them ^_^ Also, I've been recording some songs and hopefully will update my SoundClick page with a few new songs within the next week or so. I'm contemplating buying a real mic... you know, shiny meshy silver top and all? But then I worry that I'd spend the $30 or so and then a) the expensive mic doesn't actually make my recordings sound any clearer/more professional because my soundcard sucks and/or b) I hardly end up using it.
I should really work on my "oooh! something shiny! *save up money, buy, use a time or two and then the lovely new shiny sits somewhere for ages before I give it a second thought* " problem.... I also think this is part of why I have little interest in/don't do relationships.... I think I'd just be like "ooh pretty person! wheee! * a few weeks later* I is bored... >.> .... oooh another pretty person!" XD As sad as that is, I really think my attnetion span is that low! Wow, that makes me sound like a whore or something! XD I'm not, I promise! People who know me know I'm reaaallly not! I just don't do dating o.O I is weird, yes *nods*
And I should really be doing something else like, you know, sleeping, especially since I have to get up in about 7 hours.... but oh well. I'll survive. It's Friday, so I can sleep on the weekend.
Hmmm I guess I shall stop rambling for now... I just felt like I might as well post since I was up and visiting an LJ or two. Maybe at some point I'll develop some sort of regularity with posting (and remembering this things exists) but knowing me, it's not likely to be soon ^^;;; I will try though? Yes. Well, goodnight to the one person (maybe?) who reads this!! Hope everyone is having a fun summer thus far! Love you! <3
~ Alicia
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Tests and books and papers, oh my!
Mar. 21st, 2007 | 10:42 pm
location: Dorm room
mood: apathetic
music: Korean Christmas carols
So here I am... in my room again. I'm reading a book for Gender in Japanese History, debating when I'm going to study for my Korean test tomorrow, and generally wishing I hadn't procrastinated quite so much over break. The history paper (5-7 pages) is due sometime Friday, which really wouldn't be that bad, if I was say... done with the book? Am I? Aha! Try not even page 50! So, this will be a late night, tomorrow will likely be an all-nighter (once I get off from alpine) and if I'm lucky the book will be done and the paper will come quickly... and I'll be sufficiently conscious for my classes. We'll see what happens. Whether it happense or not, at least that'll be over. Of course, I'm also now realizing Bardsley-sensei wants an outline and bibilography for our term paper next Wednesday... yet another book I've yet to read. And as usual, I have around 100 pages or so of reading for my history class that meets Monday. Joy. So I think this is a good time to stop typing here and start skimming as fast as I can and still actually retain... something. Yep. Reading.... I can do it... I hope. Ganbarimasu~!
~ Alicia
~ Alicia
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And I'm open to your suggestions
Mar. 17th, 2007 | 02:13 am
location: My room, with my bed stolen by a cute ball of Luna kitcat
mood: blah
music: Hugh Grant & Haley Bennett - Way Back Into Love
Why oh why am I still conscious? o.O Better yet, why am I still conscious and still making absolutely no progress on the book and a half I have to read to write two papers due mid & end of next week?? *facepalms* I know I'll get it done... at some point....somehow.. but I'm extremely lacking in the motivation right now. Of course, I could have started like earlier this week... but that too would require motivation XD *sighs* Oh Spring Break at home, how you zap away what little is left of the already pitifully small amount of motivation I have when actually on campus...
But on to happier topics. Like..... ummmm... well, happy fanfiction? ^^ And I'm having fun singing along to the Music and Lyrics soundtrack at the moment. It's so catchy..and sooo corny at times... but you know you love it, yes? Err you don't?? Well, other than that.... oooh!! My external hard drive is now organized! I've also formatted my laptop and it boots reeeaally fast and is now sporting a fresh OS install. Unfortunately, the language bar refuses to cooperate, so I'm going to have to put another Windows version on a 2nd partition so I can type in Japanese and Korean. Darn you fast, stripped down version of windows... if only you had the IME enabled *shakes fist* Or if only I wasn't an Asian Studies major, but meh? ^^;;;;
But yay for organization? Unfortunately, the hard drive is the only thing in my vicinity that's organized at the moment! XD But I do like it! *nods* All my music is in one place and organized into language->artist->albums vs. singles->actual album/single name. Now all I have to do is either get one of my other Windows versions to actually successfully install so the artist names that are in kanji/kana and hangeul will show up instead of little black squares... that, or I'll have to rename a lot of folders >.>
Damn you Windows 2003, see my external hard drive! It saw it.. and then I tried to install 2000 on the other partition (which failed) and somehow that screwed with the 2003 partition, so i had to re-install... and am back to square one. I WILL make it work... even if I'm up all night (which I'm sure I will be, knowing me... sleep? what's that? *rolls eyes*)
Well, I think I may actually accomplish something now...studying tango (that's 'vocab' in Japanese btw, not the dance XD) for quizzes I think will start popping up next week when classes resume. Tanabe-sensei gave us like 9 pages and was like "there are dates on the sections so you know when you'll be quizzed on them... most are yomigata (way of reading the word) but some are kakigata (way of writing the word; chinese characters for our level >.<), so just check which are which. Haru yasumi oyoi sugoshi kudasai! (formal Please have a good spring break!)" I love Tanabe-sensei... but doushite??
Okay, okay, actually going now... off to stare at kanji...and write kanji....and maybe read two books so I can write 3 and 5-7 page papers? *dies* Oyasumi minna!
Aishiteru!! <3
~ Alicia
But on to happier topics. Like..... ummmm... well, happy fanfiction? ^^ And I'm having fun singing along to the Music and Lyrics soundtrack at the moment. It's so catchy..and sooo corny at times... but you know you love it, yes? Err you don't?? Well, other than that.... oooh!! My external hard drive is now organized! I've also formatted my laptop and it boots reeeaally fast and is now sporting a fresh OS install. Unfortunately, the language bar refuses to cooperate, so I'm going to have to put another Windows version on a 2nd partition so I can type in Japanese and Korean. Darn you fast, stripped down version of windows... if only you had the IME enabled *shakes fist* Or if only I wasn't an Asian Studies major, but meh? ^^;;;;
But yay for organization? Unfortunately, the hard drive is the only thing in my vicinity that's organized at the moment! XD But I do like it! *nods* All my music is in one place and organized into language->artist->albums vs. singles->actual album/single name. Now all I have to do is either get one of my other Windows versions to actually successfully install so the artist names that are in kanji/kana and hangeul will show up instead of little black squares... that, or I'll have to rename a lot of folders >.>
Damn you Windows 2003, see my external hard drive! It saw it.. and then I tried to install 2000 on the other partition (which failed) and somehow that screwed with the 2003 partition, so i had to re-install... and am back to square one. I WILL make it work... even if I'm up all night (which I'm sure I will be, knowing me... sleep? what's that? *rolls eyes*)
Well, I think I may actually accomplish something now...studying tango (that's 'vocab' in Japanese btw, not the dance XD) for quizzes I think will start popping up next week when classes resume. Tanabe-sensei gave us like 9 pages and was like "there are dates on the sections so you know when you'll be quizzed on them... most are yomigata (way of reading the word) but some are kakigata (way of writing the word; chinese characters for our level >.<), so just check which are which. Haru yasumi oyoi sugoshi kudasai! (formal Please have a good spring break!)" I love Tanabe-sensei... but doushite??
Okay, okay, actually going now... off to stare at kanji...and write kanji....and maybe read two books so I can write 3 and 5-7 page papers? *dies* Oyasumi minna!
Aishiteru!! <3
~ Alicia
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You've gotta seize the moments of your life...
Feb. 23rd, 2007 | 12:33 pm
location: dorm room
music: Jen Foster - Seize the Moment
Hey all! So I think I may actually start posting with something resembling normal frequency! ^_^ What could I have to say with regularity, you ask? Absolutely nothing! But I can be random oh so random... all the time... so that is what I intend to do.
Had Geo Lab this morning... stared at some rocks as we have a Midterm next week where we hafta identify like 20 minerals and rocks.... wheeeee. Had lunch with the "obnoxious lunch group"; twas much fun as usual! I snagged a DTH and today's sudoku is eeeeevil, evil I tell you! I'll look at it again later... it'll prolly seem easier then (I hope)
The next couple of weeks are likely to be le suck. Papers and midterms abound *pouts* Don't really understand how my Japanese midterm works but hopefully I'll remember to ask Tanabe-sensei... or she'll just happen to explain in more detail as it gets closer to time to take it.
So at the moment I'm being a veggie sitting here listening to my Jen Foster album (Everybody's Girl) which I have much love for. I realized this morning that I hadn't listened to it in like... a year, so I decided I was overdue to give a re-visit. So yeah, that's about all I'm up to at the moment.
I get to go to Geology in about an hour and then an hour after that gets out I go to Alpine from 4-8pm. Yay. But money is good... (I keep telling myself that...嘘みたいですね)
Well, I think I shall play Double Wires now. If you're bored and need something to occupy your time, check it out! http://onemorelevel.com/games3/double-w
Talk to y'all later!
<3 Alicia
Had Geo Lab this morning... stared at some rocks as we have a Midterm next week where we hafta identify like 20 minerals and rocks.... wheeeee. Had lunch with the "obnoxious lunch group"; twas much fun as usual! I snagged a DTH and today's sudoku is eeeeevil, evil I tell you! I'll look at it again later... it'll prolly seem easier then (I hope)
The next couple of weeks are likely to be le suck. Papers and midterms abound *pouts* Don't really understand how my Japanese midterm works but hopefully I'll remember to ask Tanabe-sensei... or she'll just happen to explain in more detail as it gets closer to time to take it.
So at the moment I'm being a veggie sitting here listening to my Jen Foster album (Everybody's Girl) which I have much love for. I realized this morning that I hadn't listened to it in like... a year, so I decided I was overdue to give a re-visit. So yeah, that's about all I'm up to at the moment.
I get to go to Geology in about an hour and then an hour after that gets out I go to Alpine from 4-8pm. Yay. But money is good... (I keep telling myself that...嘘みたいですね)
Well, I think I shall play Double Wires now. If you're bored and need something to occupy your time, check it out! http://onemorelevel.com/games3/double-w
Talk to y'all later!
<3 Alicia
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Procrastinating....again
Feb. 19th, 2007 | 05:32 am
location: dorm room
mood: lazy
music: Panic! At the Disco - Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks
Hmmm I really should attempt to actually update with some semblance of regularity but meh... doesn't seem to work so well, does it? ^^;;; Well, I was bored this evening (and procrastinating homework per usual) and took a random little quiz that gave shockingly accurate results XD
Alicia (Last Name not Shown) --
For people who actually know me, this makes much sense *nods* For those who don't, well, trust me when I say dear god that's a very accurate definition! ^^;;; And now that I've finally made an update and procrastinated, I think I should prolly get to cracking on the homework! Ja! <3
For people who actually know me, this makes much sense *nods* For those who don't, well, trust me when I say dear god that's a very accurate definition! ^^;;; And now that I've finally made an update and procrastinated, I think I should prolly get to cracking on the homework! Ja! <3
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Randomness...
Sep. 19th, 2006 | 12:20 am
So, today was much fun *rolls eyes* I had a test in Korean which went okay, but I know I could've done better...darn those counters *shakes fist* Well, other than that, today was fun! ^_^ Symbolic logic was fun, as per usual. I got to chat with Sabbi and check out the makings of Japan Club site, which was much excitement!
We had dinner together and afterwards I showed her some clips of DBSK, Super Junior, and Sera Myu! XD I may've somewhat scared her away... lol j/k ^^
So now I'm typing this... instead of working on the paper that's due tomorrow...and that I hafta finish by like 8am so I have time to get ready and go print... why must I procrastinate all the time?? >.< It only results in sleep depravation lol
So I shall go now... I'm sorry this isn't very exciting... yep, going to paper-write now... Ja ne!
~ Alicia
We had dinner together and afterwards I showed her some clips of DBSK, Super Junior, and Sera Myu! XD I may've somewhat scared her away... lol j/k ^^
So now I'm typing this... instead of working on the paper that's due tomorrow...and that I hafta finish by like 8am so I have time to get ready and go print... why must I procrastinate all the time?? >.< It only results in sleep depravation lol
So I shall go now... I'm sorry this isn't very exciting... yep, going to paper-write now... Ja ne!
~ Alicia
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Wow it's been a loooong time o.O
Sep. 11th, 2006 | 05:15 pm
Ok... so it's now been like 3 months since I last posted and I apologize to anyone who actually reads this about that! >.< The time in Japan was probably the spent 6-weeks of my life... I really miss it. I want to study abroad again but I'm going to need scholarships as I have no funds. *sighs* Why am I in love with sucha ridiculously expensive to live in country? o.O lol
Okay, other things to ramble about.... classes!!! *dies* lol I'm taking Advanced Japanese, Intro to Korean, Intro to Japanese Lit, English 12, and Intro to Symbolic Logic and having fun with all of them! *nods* Although I must say English is my least favorite as it currently involves a medical paper and a speech tomorrow that I should really start on XD It's only two minutes tho, so I'm really gonna need to figure out what NOT to say, as there's no time.
I'll try to put up some pics from Japan if I can remember and find time in the near future. I should probably go for now, but I will try to be more consistent with updates, although I can't promise anything. Hope everyone is dong well! *hugs* Til next time! <3 ^__^
Okay, other things to ramble about.... classes!!! *dies* lol I'm taking Advanced Japanese, Intro to Korean, Intro to Japanese Lit, English 12, and Intro to Symbolic Logic and having fun with all of them! *nods* Although I must say English is my least favorite as it currently involves a medical paper and a speech tomorrow that I should really start on XD It's only two minutes tho, so I'm really gonna need to figure out what NOT to say, as there's no time.
I'll try to put up some pics from Japan if I can remember and find time in the near future. I should probably go for now, but I will try to be more consistent with updates, although I can't promise anything. Hope everyone is dong well! *hugs* Til next time! <3 ^__^
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Jaehooooo!!!
Jun. 1st, 2006 | 04:21 am
mood: 
ditzy
music: BoA - soundscape
ahahaha! I found such a cuuute JaeHo fic at jaeho_yongwonhi by lee_style and wow did it crack me up! ^^ *smiles* Fun times, I tell ya!! If anyone is confused and/or curious about this "Jaeho" I keep mentioning, they're the two guys pictured here together and here being extra kawaii (cute)!
The name Jaeho comes from combining pieces of Kim Jae Joong and Jung Yunho's first names (they're Korean, so I typed them last-name first). So, when you romantically pair the two, you get JaeHo *nods* They're painfully adorable o.O
Okies... and I've rambled now about their hotness, so I shall go drool over more fics... wheee insomnia can be fun! *bounces*
~ Alicia
The name Jaeho comes from combining pieces of Kim Jae Joong and Jung Yunho's first names (they're Korean, so I typed them last-name first). So, when you romantically pair the two, you get JaeHo *nods* They're painfully adorable o.O
Okies... and I've rambled now about their hotness, so I shall go drool over more fics... wheee insomnia can be fun! *bounces*
~ Alicia